The Kick Fairies

“The Kick Fairies gave me hell last night. I hurt in a dozen places.”
“Do I dare ask what you are talking about?”
“You never heard of a Kick Fairy?”
“Not till now.”
“Must come from your raising. Lotsa city folks don’t know about the natural nor unnatural world. My Aunt Pittsey Mae used to explain all that stuff to me when I was a lee little young’n. You have heard that when you wake up with knots in your hair the witches been riding. They knot your hair to use as stirrups.
“Heard it from you.”
“Mark Twain wrote about it. You don’t think old Mark would lie.”
“Oh no, certainly not.”
Well, never mind that. Aunt Pittsey Mae used to say, when you go to sleep at night there’s times you wake up refreshed, times you don’t, time you wake up with new aches and pains you can’t no wise explain.
That’s cause of the Kick Fairies. There’s Fatigue Fairies, Kick Fairies, just all kinds. Why when Aunt Pittsey Mae would see a boy that wasn’t all boy, or a girl that had the hots for another girl she used to swear it wasn’t their fault but that the Reverse Fairies had got a hold on ‘em.
She said the fairies were what made all sorts of critters act fool, even cars and tractors. She said fairies were to blame for all sorts of things, both good and bad. She said gremlins, gnomes and fairies had a whole nuther world or maybe it was nether world, and they come around when no one was looking. Some come to bless, some come to curse and some just try to worry and frustrate you no end. There was Drought Fairies, Curdle Fairies, and Souring Fairies. You could just about name it and there would be a fairy in it somewheres.
“You aren’t about to tell me you believe that?’
“Well, yes and no. It explains a lot that doesn’t make sense. We accept stuff we don’t understand all the time. I don’t see much difference in accepting fairies. Makes way more sense than believing politicians and God knows people still do that.
I remember one time reading how some girls in England had convinced Sir Arthur Conan Doyle that they had seen Fairies in their garden and a whole bunch of folks was trying to prove it.  Don’t you think if a man that smart could believe in Fairies there must be something to it?
“Where do you get this stuff? ”
“I read a lot, always have. Mama used to subscribe to a bunch of magazines back when I was about ten years old and I read them all. Back then, they all had good stories, by folks with some imagination, fiction and true, but stories was the rule then and I started a habit I never stopped.”
“ How is it that a well read person like you can believe in things like Fairies?”
“ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle did. How many folks you heard of believe in ghost? We don’t know everything.  All I know is last night I was laying there minding nobody’s business and suddenly it felt just like somebody kicked me in the calf a my leg and my muscles knotted up something fierce and if that ain’t a Kick Fairy I like to know what it is. I’m just glad I ain’t been troubled by the Drill Fairies.”
“Drill Fairies?”
“Yes, the ones that drill through your skull and steal some of your brains. Every time somebody told Aunt Pittsey Mae something stupid or did something stupid she swore the Drill Fairies had paid them a visit. 
See the bad fairies are sort of in league with Beelzebub but the good fairies hanker more after the old golden rule. 
How you live sort of depends on how serious it gets. The worst I’ve got yet is a now and then visit from the Kick Fairies but some of my family has been set upon by them Drill Fairies so bad and so long why they got hardly nothing left.”
Kick Fairies ____ PKA Advocate _____April / May  2014

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